Unknown Identity

Who am I? - Am I that person who has always pretended to be me? Am I the one whom I’ve always encouraged to come into being? Or am I that person who I pine and strive to become? - Which 'I' am I?

I’m good, but not ‘that’ good; I’m lively, but not ‘that’ vivacious and ‘that’ chirpy; I’m elegant, but not ‘that’ stately. - Why do I always fall short of a silly four-lettered word? Why does the pace of my thoughts always overrule my typing speed? Why do I feel that my soul is caged? Why can I not match myself in my dreams and in reality? Why can I not be the ‘someone’ I’ve always wanted to become? Why do I feel like I’ve lost everything everywhere, and will not be given a second chance? Why do I want to run away from what is inevitable. Why do I experience discomfort when my imaginations switch to reality? Why can’t things be overt & not ambiguous? Why are there so many ‘whys’ & why do I have an answer to none?

All these ‘whys’ are gagging me - I’m choking, I’m suffocating. All my screams are being culled by a pestering silence. I’m not dwindling with the waning moon, am I?

It’s winter and yet I’m singeing. I feel claustrophobic even in the middle of a huge field. I’m wide-awake and yet comatose. Perhaps there isn’t any chance, yet I’m not ready to give up!

It was me who said that I don’t want to fly high because nobody will fly with me; but today I say, ‘I want to fly - fly not only high, but highest’. I’ll be far from déjà vu. Will you be with me?
I want you back. After three complete years, I’ll again have you within me, and by my side. This is my belief. I still have enough faith to trust my belief.
We’ll be in tandem again and my identity will not remain unknown anymore…