its too much!

i want a break...a break from everything. so many thoughts together, are choking me. it is again 'that' feeling...that same old feeling.....the feeling of suffocation, the feeling of being unable to do something, the feeling of insecurity, the feeling of restlessness.

its tough....really tough, when u have to stay calm when there is a storm going inside u.
weird, have i not become?
yes i have.....i guess that answers so many peoples' questions.
questions....questions n questions........all gagging me with their utmost strength.

"there has been a sea-change in you" - i know that too! but does that have to make me so vulnerable? do i have to look for support each time? have i lost the ability to handle things on my own?
there's so much on my mind.....n i'm so unable - unable once more - unable to express them.

i'm trying hard to clear everything....but things really dont get to ur head to get cleared,do they?

this time i'm blabbering.....actually blabbering, blabbering as my fingers run on the keyboard. i dont know what it is that i'm trying to type or what i'm trying to express.......i just know that things are happening....n i'm unaware of them all.

what people say does not register in my head, what i see i do not remember, who i speak to i dont know.........something is going on, but i dont know what.
i wish i could express myself through writing or through speech....but i'm 'incapable' of doing so.
'incapable' - thats the correct word i've come across so far.......it is so pestering.....'incapable', am i not?
i require some peace.....peace to keep me going.
i want to sleep.......sleep till i dont get myself back.......n that is perhaps forever!

i have typed so much.....but nothing that makes sense.
all i know at the moment is that i'm in need.....in need of that huge greenary, with nobody around...so that i can go n pour out everything there.
this time the need is different.......coz everything seems fake, so useless n meaningless.
i really need that greenary...i really do!