today was the 5th and last day of the utsav organised here. the earlier 4 days were hassle-free and enjoyable. today fossils were schduled for a live performance at 8:30pm. a debate was to take place at 6:30pm, the speakers of which were very renowned people from the sphere of politics,music,sports and literature. the debate was delayed due to the absence of a well known politician here.finally when he conveyed that he will remain absent due to some sort of political emergency meeting, the debate started. as it didn't start on time, the next show,i.e., fossil's performance also got delayed.in place of 8:30,they probably started around 9:30.even chandrabindu waited yesterday due to some delay,but there was no commotion.today,the debate had to be stopped without the summaries as the crowd at the extreme circumference had taken to hooting and welcoming the band even before the debate ended.the organizer threatened to stop the show and everybody responded to it by maintaining decorum.after each speaker had spoken, fossils came on-stage.there was a round of applause,whistles and shouting. the singer came and mocked the audience by comparing the place to be a crematorium.there were atleast twice the number of inhabitants of this place.many of them responded to this retort by shouting even more.after assuring that he had no speech ready (as the speakers of the debate did), he started singing.2 songs were sung without any mayhem and i must say that they were well-sung and this person has an amazing voice and the instruments created a fantastic composition.but, in the middle of the 3rd song,gradually all the instrumentalists left the stage and rushed to the audience.only the singer,drummer and one guitarist remained.the guitarist rushed with his guitar, towards the audience, when a team-mate went and whispered something in his ears.the singer kept singing as he was unaware of the situation - that was because he kept banging his head in the air and playing the guitar, with his eyes closed.policemen rushed to the guitarist as he was probably having a fisticuff with the crowd.he was dragged out of the crowd by the police.he then rushed in front of the stage and waved his hands vigorously at the singer,to stop the song.but he went unnoticed(because of the head-bangs)!the drummer finally noticed his and stopped playing.but the singer went on and on.then he stopped.(he had probably opened his eyes for a while or may be he realised the absence of drum beats)!but he sat there non-chalantly as he couldn't understand why his song was stopped in the middle and why was his guitarist standing in front of the stage and waving at him!the police pushed the guitarist back-stage, seeing which, the occupants of the stage rushed there too.
...it was finally declared a misunderstanding. fossils didn't want anyone to shoot them live. use of video camera was banned. noone was aware of this fact and hence this chaos took place. any way,they ascended on stage and restored to entertaining the young chaps.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
future fugitive!
i was sentenced to life imprisonment before i realised it. He sent me help,but she was discovered and taken care of very soon.dying to get out of this hell - i prayed everyday - not because i was in pain physically...i never was...but i was in pain otherwise. He sent me help a second time,but he left me half way away from the prison. the in-charge being a loner, loved keeping me by his side,as i was the only inmate of the prison.maybe He didn't hear me, or did He?i kept begging to get out of here,but i failed time and again. today i need not beg,i know i can help myself.i have a plan ready in order to flee. but He continues to test my patience as he increases the time of wait.i'm tired of handling things i cannot find a solution to;fighting water and seeing fake abundance of it.get me on the other side of these huge red gates of the prison.i want to live my life.i dont care if people run away as they recognise me...i dont fear walking my life alone.all i need is to breathe,coz im suffocating, suffocating in these tumultous waves of emotions.lead me to freedom...lead me to life.
Friday, April 2, 2010
the return of the olden days!
you are now where my childhood memories are.so many years have passed since i've been there. today you are among my memories, clicking instants to make me relive the moments...but will i find my memories among these instants??
we spent almost every alternate evening watching the sun set into the water at the beach.it was always you, who took the initiative to drive me/us to the beach.i dont remember how many castles i had built in the sand and how many times you saw me riding a horse.i just remember how we used to spend time there - how we walked along the sand when we had just each others' company, how we sat together and played with the sand and how you walked in the water till you were almost invisible to us.you fought all the waves while you fought all your emotions, to get to that point.everytime a wave charged you, she screamed out of fear, but you conquered them all as you conquered your feelings and let the salty water below your neck replace the water above.i felt it all and i still do.i wish i could do something so that you never needed that water.i'm sure that if you read this today,you'll be pleasantly surprised as its been over a decade now.even though you were never questioned, those small eyes saw all they could and thought it best not to convey them to you.
you keep collecting all snapshots of my lovely past as if they were yours.how happy you are to hear a familiar name - you can live more of my days when you hear one.why do you try and find them there?why do you try and find me there?what makes you happy when you visit such a place?
so many things are there,that we might want to share,but the distance and malfunctioning electronic gadgets make it a little impossible.
why do i lay stress on the memories of that place when i've spent a little, but quality time with you here also?how we climbed up the stairs to reach the terrace where i saw your heart.i guess that's the reason why i still love staying there.may be i dont recollect these days as intensely as those days because we hardly ever got to spend time together again...but perhaps beause of this i got two wonderful gifts.i'll cherish them... always.
- from rinky's diary
we spent almost every alternate evening watching the sun set into the water at the beach.it was always you, who took the initiative to drive me/us to the beach.i dont remember how many castles i had built in the sand and how many times you saw me riding a horse.i just remember how we used to spend time there - how we walked along the sand when we had just each others' company, how we sat together and played with the sand and how you walked in the water till you were almost invisible to us.you fought all the waves while you fought all your emotions, to get to that point.everytime a wave charged you, she screamed out of fear, but you conquered them all as you conquered your feelings and let the salty water below your neck replace the water above.i felt it all and i still do.i wish i could do something so that you never needed that water.i'm sure that if you read this today,you'll be pleasantly surprised as its been over a decade now.even though you were never questioned, those small eyes saw all they could and thought it best not to convey them to you.
you keep collecting all snapshots of my lovely past as if they were yours.how happy you are to hear a familiar name - you can live more of my days when you hear one.why do you try and find them there?why do you try and find me there?what makes you happy when you visit such a place?
so many things are there,that we might want to share,but the distance and malfunctioning electronic gadgets make it a little impossible.
why do i lay stress on the memories of that place when i've spent a little, but quality time with you here also?how we climbed up the stairs to reach the terrace where i saw your heart.i guess that's the reason why i still love staying there.may be i dont recollect these days as intensely as those days because we hardly ever got to spend time together again...but perhaps beause of this i got two wonderful gifts.i'll cherish them... always.
- from rinky's diary
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Untimely...
Why do things not occur when one needs them desperately? Why do things happen when one has learnt to live without..n has got over things?
the wait lasted for almost a year..they had waited patiently hoping for a positive outcome.but as the days passed, the wait became more and more futile.today they got which they once yearned for.but there was something which was lacking. once upon a time,they had been praying & pining for this very moment. but today it came & went by...as if nothing different had happened. they had learnt to throw away any glimse of hope related to this moment. how priorities change! how people change! something which was of much importance some day is completely meaningless today!
how thoughts change...n how feelings change! trust? trust whom? what u r today..u wont be tomorrow. something which is your concern today..may tomorrow become yesterday's newspaper! may it not happen again. yes she pined. she pined like mad for that one moment. every ring, every addressal made her turn back and dream...dream of the impossible...or a thing that appeared to be impossible.she dreamt..she had the courage to dream even when those dreams were shattered into increasing number of pieces! today she doesn't. but she still wishes she had the privilege to dream. she has come a distance away from everything. nothing affects... nothing strikes...no wishes...no hopes. if things start getting back when she leaves all her needs behind, the things may lose out on her..coz they wont be important anymore.
the wait lasted for almost a year..they had waited patiently hoping for a positive outcome.but as the days passed, the wait became more and more futile.today they got which they once yearned for.but there was something which was lacking. once upon a time,they had been praying & pining for this very moment. but today it came & went by...as if nothing different had happened. they had learnt to throw away any glimse of hope related to this moment. how priorities change! how people change! something which was of much importance some day is completely meaningless today!
how thoughts change...n how feelings change! trust? trust whom? what u r today..u wont be tomorrow. something which is your concern today..may tomorrow become yesterday's newspaper! may it not happen again. yes she pined. she pined like mad for that one moment. every ring, every addressal made her turn back and dream...dream of the impossible...or a thing that appeared to be impossible.she dreamt..she had the courage to dream even when those dreams were shattered into increasing number of pieces! today she doesn't. but she still wishes she had the privilege to dream. she has come a distance away from everything. nothing affects... nothing strikes...no wishes...no hopes. if things start getting back when she leaves all her needs behind, the things may lose out on her..coz they wont be important anymore.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Memories...
Recollecting the moments that come back to me time & again, I realize that there are moments which cannot desert me. No matter when they took place, they are still a part of me.
I remember the day I was to mug up the table of 7. I was under the strict vigilance of an ‘invigilator’, who had given me that tough job! Nobody other than me knows that I was doing something else in the name of mugging up the table. I was busy contriving a neat escape! I walked in & stood behind a chair. Smartly, I got hold of the piece of paper in my pocket & kept reading out the results as & when required. Obviously I had to strain myself to look down, each time I pretended to recollect the result. Soon I was called in front to find out the reason for my awkward behaviour. I neatly placed the paper on the chair (which had a table before it; this easily hid the treasure I had placed on it) & went in front. I was asked to return to my place, pick up the piece of paper & start mugging all afresh!
She not only made me mug up tables but also came running to pick me up from school on the half-days, took me to watch ‘akele hum akele tum’ on 14th of March & often took me for treats of phuchkas!
I always told her that I loved the way she chided me & the occasional ‘one-handed strokes’. Why remember all this suddenly? That’s because I was told a few months back,”mashi, tumi bhishon maro!” I could see that each time I tried a tt stroke on him, he ensured that the stroke was a successful one!
It was a day in this year when ‘he’ asked me, for how many days would I stay. In return, I asked whether he wanted me to leave. I was quite surprised by his untimely matured way of responding. He put his arm around my waist to assure me that that was the last thing he wanted. All he said was,”na…na, tumi joto din paro toto din thako.etai ami chai.”
I remember the day he cried on the 2nd of October after I was hit ‘a teen number of times’ on the back (a modified form of birthday bumps!). He had tried his best in the mean time to stop what was happening, & was partly successful!
There is one day which I can never forget – the day he asked his grandmother for some money. On being asked further questions, he said that he wanted to buy chocolates for me. Innocence and love at their best!
Was it just yesterday when ‘he’ said,”amar shonge khelo naaaaaaaa…” & then when it was time to sleep,”amay ekta golpo bolo na…….bhutu-r galpo!”
Then of course, one fine morning came that phone call ,”hi! I’m calling after 7 years! Do you remember me?” this made possible the re-establishment of a long-lost friendship!
One day when I was on the verge of tearing off all threads of the relations that had grown so strong in the recent past ‘she’ walked up to me & said,”Amri, have you gone mad? Do you want to go away from the relationships you cherish so much? I know how much you need them so stop saying all this.”
I remember that evening walk with her on the misty field in the dark. That was the day I revealed the biggest secret of my life!
Then came the day on which I met my best friend - the person who has always listened to all the rubbish that I’ve uttered, the person who supported me when he thought I was right & who pulled me aside to tell me that I was wrong, when he felt so. Whether right or wrong, good or bad, happy or sad, he has been with me all these years.
I remember all those ‘lessons’,’lectures’,arguments & discussions that we have had. It was all to get me out of the ‘shell’ & to make me face the world. Those attempts were to bring a smile on a weary & drooping ‘earthquake victim’!
All the mad deeds are also a part of this - the titanic-pose on the pitch-roller, the proposal to walk on the slanted bar of the goal-post, the vodka-story & of course the fried momos!
Last but not the least, the continuous blabbering from 9:30am(oops sorry! 10:00. here comes miss ‘latecomer’!) to 5:30pm, with only half the things getting registered – well if she knew this then, I would have been surely been killed!
Whether all this will take place again or not, they are definitely a part of my memories! If they happen again…they are most welcome; but if they don’t, it’s perfectly alright with me because things are original when they take place for the first time!
Moreover, I believe in one thing – anybody who wishes to stay might stay & anybody who wishes to leave might leave; but this time, I won’t leave. I don’t want time to flee this time.
I remember the day I was to mug up the table of 7. I was under the strict vigilance of an ‘invigilator’, who had given me that tough job! Nobody other than me knows that I was doing something else in the name of mugging up the table. I was busy contriving a neat escape! I walked in & stood behind a chair. Smartly, I got hold of the piece of paper in my pocket & kept reading out the results as & when required. Obviously I had to strain myself to look down, each time I pretended to recollect the result. Soon I was called in front to find out the reason for my awkward behaviour. I neatly placed the paper on the chair (which had a table before it; this easily hid the treasure I had placed on it) & went in front. I was asked to return to my place, pick up the piece of paper & start mugging all afresh!
She not only made me mug up tables but also came running to pick me up from school on the half-days, took me to watch ‘akele hum akele tum’ on 14th of March & often took me for treats of phuchkas!
I always told her that I loved the way she chided me & the occasional ‘one-handed strokes’. Why remember all this suddenly? That’s because I was told a few months back,”mashi, tumi bhishon maro!” I could see that each time I tried a tt stroke on him, he ensured that the stroke was a successful one!
It was a day in this year when ‘he’ asked me, for how many days would I stay. In return, I asked whether he wanted me to leave. I was quite surprised by his untimely matured way of responding. He put his arm around my waist to assure me that that was the last thing he wanted. All he said was,”na…na, tumi joto din paro toto din thako.etai ami chai.”
I remember the day he cried on the 2nd of October after I was hit ‘a teen number of times’ on the back (a modified form of birthday bumps!). He had tried his best in the mean time to stop what was happening, & was partly successful!
There is one day which I can never forget – the day he asked his grandmother for some money. On being asked further questions, he said that he wanted to buy chocolates for me. Innocence and love at their best!
Was it just yesterday when ‘he’ said,”amar shonge khelo naaaaaaaa…” & then when it was time to sleep,”amay ekta golpo bolo na…….bhutu-r galpo!”
Then of course, one fine morning came that phone call ,”hi! I’m calling after 7 years! Do you remember me?” this made possible the re-establishment of a long-lost friendship!
One day when I was on the verge of tearing off all threads of the relations that had grown so strong in the recent past ‘she’ walked up to me & said,”Amri, have you gone mad? Do you want to go away from the relationships you cherish so much? I know how much you need them so stop saying all this.”
I remember that evening walk with her on the misty field in the dark. That was the day I revealed the biggest secret of my life!
Then came the day on which I met my best friend - the person who has always listened to all the rubbish that I’ve uttered, the person who supported me when he thought I was right & who pulled me aside to tell me that I was wrong, when he felt so. Whether right or wrong, good or bad, happy or sad, he has been with me all these years.
I remember all those ‘lessons’,’lectures’,arguments & discussions that we have had. It was all to get me out of the ‘shell’ & to make me face the world. Those attempts were to bring a smile on a weary & drooping ‘earthquake victim’!
All the mad deeds are also a part of this - the titanic-pose on the pitch-roller, the proposal to walk on the slanted bar of the goal-post, the vodka-story & of course the fried momos!
Last but not the least, the continuous blabbering from 9:30am(oops sorry! 10:00. here comes miss ‘latecomer’!) to 5:30pm, with only half the things getting registered – well if she knew this then, I would have been surely been killed!
Whether all this will take place again or not, they are definitely a part of my memories! If they happen again…they are most welcome; but if they don’t, it’s perfectly alright with me because things are original when they take place for the first time!
Moreover, I believe in one thing – anybody who wishes to stay might stay & anybody who wishes to leave might leave; but this time, I won’t leave. I don’t want time to flee this time.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Day 5
It’s been a long time since my last post. Today I have something to say right from my heart.
So many days have passed….so many things have taken place………so many special days for so many people have passed by…… but every time I was a silent spectator of all that happened. As if I was off-stage…among the audience…I observed all the treachery, all the fake expressions, all the forced smiles, all the trials of appearing to be a well-wisher, all the superficial attachments and all the pretence that went on on-stage.
So many of them enjoyed (or pretended to enjoy) the days which were exclusively special to them. Every time the ‘on-stage’ melodrama went unnoticed (or was made to seem to go unnoticed).
The fifth day from today is a special day for me too. On that day, neither would I like to see people trying their best to pretend, nor would I like to pretend. I hope the day is just as I want to have it. Please don’t spoil my day!
So many days have passed….so many things have taken place………so many special days for so many people have passed by…… but every time I was a silent spectator of all that happened. As if I was off-stage…among the audience…I observed all the treachery, all the fake expressions, all the forced smiles, all the trials of appearing to be a well-wisher, all the superficial attachments and all the pretence that went on on-stage.
So many of them enjoyed (or pretended to enjoy) the days which were exclusively special to them. Every time the ‘on-stage’ melodrama went unnoticed (or was made to seem to go unnoticed).
The fifth day from today is a special day for me too. On that day, neither would I like to see people trying their best to pretend, nor would I like to pretend. I hope the day is just as I want to have it. Please don’t spoil my day!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
its too much!
i want a break...a break from everything. so many thoughts together, are choking me. it is again 'that' feeling...that same old feeling.....the feeling of suffocation, the feeling of being unable to do something, the feeling of insecurity, the feeling of restlessness.
its tough....really tough, when u have to stay calm when there is a storm going inside u.
weird, have i not become?
yes i have.....i guess that answers so many peoples' questions.
questions....questions n questions........all gagging me with their utmost strength.
"there has been a sea-change in you" - i know that too! but does that have to make me so vulnerable? do i have to look for support each time? have i lost the ability to handle things on my own?
there's so much on my mind.....n i'm so unable - unable once more - unable to express them.
i'm trying hard to clear everything....but things really dont get to ur head to get cleared,do they?
this time i'm blabbering.....actually blabbering, blabbering as my fingers run on the keyboard. i dont know what it is that i'm trying to type or what i'm trying to express.......i just know that things are happening....n i'm unaware of them all.
what people say does not register in my head, what i see i do not remember, who i speak to i dont know.........something is going on, but i dont know what.
i wish i could express myself through writing or through speech....but i'm 'incapable' of doing so.
'incapable' - thats the correct word i've come across so far.......it is so pestering.....'incapable', am i not?
i require some peace.....peace to keep me going.
i want to sleep.......sleep till i dont get myself back.......n that is perhaps forever!
i have typed so much.....but nothing that makes sense.
all i know at the moment is that i'm in need.....in need of that huge greenary, with nobody around...so that i can go n pour out everything there.
this time the need is different.......coz everything seems fake, so useless n meaningless.
i really need that greenary...i really do!
its tough....really tough, when u have to stay calm when there is a storm going inside u.
weird, have i not become?
yes i have.....i guess that answers so many peoples' questions.
questions....questions n questions........all gagging me with their utmost strength.
"there has been a sea-change in you" - i know that too! but does that have to make me so vulnerable? do i have to look for support each time? have i lost the ability to handle things on my own?
there's so much on my mind.....n i'm so unable - unable once more - unable to express them.
i'm trying hard to clear everything....but things really dont get to ur head to get cleared,do they?
this time i'm blabbering.....actually blabbering, blabbering as my fingers run on the keyboard. i dont know what it is that i'm trying to type or what i'm trying to express.......i just know that things are happening....n i'm unaware of them all.
what people say does not register in my head, what i see i do not remember, who i speak to i dont know.........something is going on, but i dont know what.
i wish i could express myself through writing or through speech....but i'm 'incapable' of doing so.
'incapable' - thats the correct word i've come across so far.......it is so pestering.....'incapable', am i not?
i require some peace.....peace to keep me going.
i want to sleep.......sleep till i dont get myself back.......n that is perhaps forever!
i have typed so much.....but nothing that makes sense.
all i know at the moment is that i'm in need.....in need of that huge greenary, with nobody around...so that i can go n pour out everything there.
this time the need is different.......coz everything seems fake, so useless n meaningless.
i really need that greenary...i really do!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)